I'VE DECIDED IT'S ALL TO DO WITH MARKETING

Peter Drucker, the famous management guru lived to ninety six saying stuff like:
“The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said”

He was seen as wise and relevant because he presented himself that way.

So like Drucker I’ve decided to keep on going but by being a nuisance. In his book “More Human: Designing a World Where People Come First” Steve Hilton who used to be David Cameron’s policy advisor and a man who despises corporate obesity noted that nature had determined that the elephant and the whale were as big as it was going to get. So BT and the NHS would be anomalies then?

My run-ins with BT have bored many who read me so I won’t go on but the irony is it’s hard to telephone BT and the company that produced an advertising campaign -“It’s good to talk” - doesn’t actually want to…talk that is. We got back from Venice three weeks ago and our land line was down. Getting through to a human was hard and when I did they lived in Chenai and they weren’t briefed about the angry me - the human ‘me’ - not just my phone number. It’s taken three weeks, three engineers, with only the last one to visit qualified to do the work. It worked fine but then stopped working although right now it’s OK again. My fingers are crossed.

This is a marketing problem. I want a Bob Hoskins sound-alike on my case not an Indian with an MBA being very nice but without being trained in how I feel and me feeling worse through being carefully nice to prove I’m not racist. BT is a dinosaur trying to be hi tech and this rusty old beast isn’t human so even when they get it right I get cross.

Next; my wife’s eye examination at the Brighton Eye Hospital. Result: nurses brilliant; doctors superb; front of house marketing a disgrace. The waiting room is dirty. How dare they have posters emblazoned “This is an infection free zone…are you are in the zone?” when it’s clearly a breeding ground for all kinds of vile viruses, especially the filthy windows which make those on a Southern Railway train look spotless. And talking of railways why in this supposedly state-of-the-art palace of medical technology would you have a large but faded print of a Great Western steam train tootling through idyllic pre-war Britain? And finally under another poster which asked cheerily “Having trouble with your sight?” they had a little library of sarcastically small print paperbacks bar one vast  1000 pager called ”Into the Darkness”. Also amid the plethora of posters was one that intrigued me. It said “Finding Your Feet with the ECLO* - and in small print *Eye Clinic Liaison Officer

Decent marketing communication - I conclude somewhat irritably - would put us all in a better state of mind and make our world a better place.

IT'S GOOD TO TALK

The late David Abbott created this wonderful advertising campaign for BT starring Bob Hoskins with his gritty, man of the people voice. At the time I thought it was perfect, capturing as it did the raison d’etre of this big cuddly company.

This month I’ve changed my mind.

Over the several hours that I’ve talked to BT employees over the past month I’ve concluded this lumbering beast needs dismembering and fast. Everyone I’ve talked to from Jordan, Louise, Kate, Mia, Dali to Helen and many others have been articulate, intelligent and well mannered. But the cock-up over which they’ve calmly presided is baffling.

On the 18th of March they accepted my reporting of an imminent change of address and my order for fibre optic broadband with all the bells and whistles at the new address.

A week later having received no confirmation of the order I called and was unable to reach anyone apart from the BT sales team trying to sell me BT Mobile. It was like enquiring  what the next train for London was and being asked if I wanted to buy a banana. Eventually I got someone who said they could help and they told me the first order had not been processed for technical reasons and a new one would be raised.
Hurray. It was and I was e-mailed confirmation and told an engineer would call to sort everything at the new address on April 2nd and that the kit would be sent.

The kit arrived. BT were really bringing it all together. So ‘twas on a Wednesday morning when the BT man came to call….only he didn’t.

And when I complained was told the earliest anyone could call was April 16th.

And then called again to say that was now April 20th. Because the sun was shining, Brighton is laid back and England had just won a cricket match I didn’t shout and was calm and reasonable and the Indian said wistfully “thank you Sir for being so nice in these circumstances”.

And then I got an invoice for the old address for my office which is where the broadband is based which didn’t mention termination so I rang and they denied all knowledge and said the line would remain live till April 20th this being the earliest they could react.

So I have broadband working where I used to live and nothing where I do live.

And about four hours of my life have been spent talking to people who are doing their best but do not grasp that the customer’s always right and needs to be satisfied.

But it’s all clearly my fault and I should be so lucky as to have BT supplying me.

BT is a beast.

I’m going to have to fire them but they’ve been family all my life so it’ll be a real wrench.
I’m going to check out alternatives and move on from bureaucracy….or not.

As Bob Hoskins might have said “it’s good to walk”.