IT'S A HEALTH ATTACK!

Last week there was an alleged sonar- health-attack on US Diplomats in Havana which left them deaf.  Its media exposure was in keeping with what’s become an increasing trend. Health scares are full of the ingredients of any good story - apparent “factual” statistics, human interest and gory drama.

Matt Dawson, ex-England Rugby captain, caught Lyme disease from a tick bite in a London Park. The effects were so severe he had to have heart surgery. Doctors initially missed out on diagnosing a disease which is more widespread than many think. So if you go down to the woods today where deer have been and get close to the ferns you may be attacked by a tick. If you develop a rash that looks like a target or if you feel tired, fevered and with a headache check it out. You could develop joint aches, swellings or, like Matt, worse.

Health attacks are easy to empathise with. Just writing this has made me feel a little unwell. But they also leave me confused.

Recent stories which endorse or contradict previously accepted wisdom include dismissal of the need to eat your five-a-day portions of fruit and vegetables … recent medical research says three is plenty.

Have you been to the dentist recently? Are your gums bleeding? If so you are 70% more likely to get dementia. (That was a Times front page scare recently.) Do you take statins?  Good news less likelihood of a stroke; bad news you may get crippling joint pains. According to Dame Sally Davies our Chief Medical Officer we should drink tea and cut out wine because of its clear link to cancer. Fact: if you are teetotal you have a one in ten chance of getting cancer but if you drink a bottle of wine a day that increases to one in seven. Cheers.

White bread and sugar are now the killers worse even than ISIS. Coffee is great. Fat is good. Pile on the butter and live a happier life. Not sleeping well? Maybe it’s because you’re stressed and worried about your health. The news I have will make your sleeplessness worse.

If you can’t sleep it may mean you’re about to have a stroke, heart attack or some dreadful disease.
Or not … I suspect that people who suffer such medical problems may well have had sleeping problems but that there’ll be many who can’t sleep and are fine. All fish swim but not everything that swims is a fish.

But there’s one medical issue that one in fifteen of us suffer from and are going to get these symptoms lashing them in the next months - Seasonal Affective Disorder. Symptoms include feelings of hopelessness, withdrawal from society, appetite problems and a lack of energy. It’s now being taken seriously and you can get help.

Like bright lighting, blazing fires, hot soup and robust stews, being cosy.  Enjoy winter. Don’t let it make your life a misery. Don’t be sad.

THE OLD, OLD STORY

Back now from New Year celebrations for a big exercise in “I told you so’s.” The retailers tell us about their Christmas.

Next, after several smug years, was given a sharp kick by the consumer, John Lewis had a great time and M&S had another shocker. Mark Bolland said rather plaintively “but we did brilliantly in food”. And they did. But he resigned anyway.

M&S has always understood its food customer. They have in their mind reasonably wealthy retirees who indulge themselves a bit. And then there are people who either live alone or with a partner working incredibly hard so Simply M&S is a saviour. Get a decent, low calorie Chicken Jalfrezi, a bottle of Chateau Neuf and bed.

M&S has a brilliant team of food developers. Their quality and taste is miles ahead of Waitrose who had a rather mediocre Christmas. Alone amongst food retailers M&S seem untouched by Aldi and Lidl who tortured the big grocers by stealing their luxury food sales . A Goldman Sachs Analyst confessed to finding the Goose, Champagne, Smoked Salmon, Stilton and Panettone not only much cheaper there but also better.

So how can M&S get it so right and so wrong?

I have a confession to make. In the past I’ve found M&S men’s clothes good value and a quick, lazy way of looking reasonably smart. Then I discovered style with Charles Tyrwhitt and Boden. But after a while quality went sideways in both.

Now I buy my clothes from John Lewis - stylish, interesting and easy to shop. My last visit to M&S Marble Arch left me slightly nauseous with the insane range of stuff, all of it randomly displayed and none of it exciting.

In their 12,700 sq. ft. Food Store just outside Brighton, M&S parade the best and newest they have to offer. They share “yum” factor with Nigella.

I don’t believe anyone much under 50 shops there for clothes but M&S would be embarrassed to acknowledge this. Stuart Rose was right to research the M&S brand with the Women’s Institute. But what happened next?

It’s time to be realistic and focus on the older generation who are living longer and longer.

And even longer if Dame Sally Davies has her way.

We may (she says) only drink 1 ½ bottles of wine a week, with three days alcohol free, or we’ll die prematurely.

Shocking as it may seem I am raising my own consumption level to try and die before I get dementia.
Forgive me Mary for being so cross with you. We need to balance our approach to health. But as with M&S the key target is the elderly and avoiding them becoming a cohort of medically fit, free of the curses of alcohol and tobacco, yet away with the fairies.

I think we should encourage the elderly to smoke and drink a lot.

It might save the NHS.

And it would give the rest of us a lot to look forward to.

Cheers.