PRUDERY, RUDERY AND GETTING THINGS RIGHT

I was somewhat surprised to be given a copy of the best writings of Henry Miller by a neighbour. Why me? Miller was the literary infant terrible of the 1950s and ‘60s. His description of sex makes “Lady Chatterley’s Lover” sound like Enid Blyton (‘Five Off for a Jolly Bonk’.) They are very rude indeed but rather sad too. His ability to have relationships as opposed to frequent and impulsive shags seems limited. Yet when he writes about Greece (especially Mycenae) or flying or food or having his car serviced (prosaic but riveting) this man is literary giant. When he gets obsessed with parts of the body his sense of humanity and humour goes. 

                   
June (his second wife) and Henry Miller

And that’s because there’s not much joy in his sex. Sophocles said it first and was then quoted by Plato, Socrates and others ending with Russell Brand…“The male libido is like being chained to a maniac”… yeah, that’s Horrid Henry. Not just horrid but a bit boring too.

It was peculiar reading this high-class porn whilst MPs were being denounced for playing ‘handsy’ or
worse. I hope none of them gets caught with a copy. That would not be funny.

Unlike Caitlin Moran who’s very funny but also rather rude. Her recent book is called “Moranifesto” which “sets the world to rights”. The substance isn’t rude at all but the fucking language often is. She uses the “f” word not so much for effect as for emphatic punctuation and to show she’s one of us.

Caitlin is a genius. I use the word circumspectly. She understands manners and why they matter so much (there aren’t many good manners in politics) and despite her rebelliousness she belongs in kinder, more literary times than these. Unsurprisingly her style in influenced by writers like Dorothy
Parker and H.L. Mencken. She’s an almost Dickensian figure in her exuberance and in being larger-than-life when she says things like: “Why do people keep on talking about the sweet fragrance of women? We smell. Me? I smell of soup … onion soup.”

Things that need sorting out she says are as diverse as include cystitis, bacon (ugh?) and social media. How about this for a bullseye of observation?  “The internet is like a drunken toddler.” 

She thinks many things are wrong but that there are some things blindingly right. Like having joy in life, being kind to ourselves and to others and in not taking ourselves too seriously. How lucky we are, she says, to have friends, family, to be going out together, drinking wine (lots of it) and laughing. Never get angry. Being angry shows you’re scared. Try being polite instead.

I wish she’d met Henry. She’d have soon been put that gloomy old libertine in his place. And she’d have made him laugh too. And they might have focused on improving joy, good humour and manners in the world, Henry in his tsunami style, Caitlin by wit and insight. What a team.

                             

USE YOUR BETTER JUDGEMENT

I love that moment when one discovers a good, new word, the sort that one wants to use a lot in the certain knowledge that 99.9% of the population will look at you blankly when, with superior triumph, you use it.
I recall in advertising when a client gave the agency, through me, a bollocking that one feared was the prelude to the process of a messy firing. We had failed to do something important on time. So I said to him
somewhat sadly:

“This is I’m afraid my fault. I’ve been dilatory.”

To which he replied

“My dear chap, I’m so sorry, I quite understand. Don’t worry and I hope you get better soon.”

The word I found was “akraisia” in Ian McEwan’s latest book “Sweet Tooth”.  It means literally lacking self-control or more usefully, acting against one’s better judgement. Now, for those of you familiar with Greek philosophy (or more likely Wikipedia) you’ll know that Socrates – rather naively it would seem – said no one willingly goes towards the bad so it’s illogical to do so (I suppose Spock was a disciple of Socrates) whilst Aristotle thought the opinion of others could make us do things we otherwise wouldn’t.

Ian McEwan, whose books always lead one inexorably towards a bad ending is a frequent user of the “why did I do that?” plot line. He is a profoundly akratic writer (probably a cheery soul) but to whom the happy ending is rather alien and he’s also has a very astute judge of the zeitgeist.

And it occurs to me that in this marketing-mad world that politicians and company heads are constantly listening to opinion and doing things against their better judgement.  The current furore in the coalition (and politics in general) is a vivid story of akraisa on all sides.

Richard French (the skilled ad man) used to say “tell the truth because then you don’t have to remember what you said.” He and Margaret Thatcher never acted against their better judgement – even when they were wrong.

Nor did Steve Jobs, whose attitude to consumer research is well known. Here he demolishes someone else’s opinion.

In my advice to people running businesses I advise them to “train their gut” so over time their intuitive instincts and values become so clearly embedded that, without having to consult a corporate manual to discover, for instance, that stealing is wrong or that lies catch up with you, they know what is right and wrong.

As I get older I realise my better judgement is one of my strongest assets and, whatever the consequences, I intend to use it more and more.

www.colourfulthinkers.com

WOULD YOU RATHER WORK FOR THE CO-OP OR GOLDMAN SACHS?

The manager of our local Co-op where I get my paper, milk, bread and so on most days is something of a surprise. Young, well read and a polymath he is stalking me intellectually.

This morning he came up and said:-
“I was thinking of you last night” I eyed him suspiciously – this is Brighton after all, “I was reading Socrates who said ‘beware the barren life of a busy man.’”

Beware the knee of an irate customer I thought.

But I also thought how interesting it was that despite the lamentations of politicians about declining educational standards how much brighter and how much more intellectually curious many people seemed to be today. I’m constantly in cabs with drivers who have degree like intelligence….more in the north of England than the south. In Sunderland I think most of them have PHDs.

In Brighton where there are few well-paid jobs they say laughingly you need a 2.1 to get a job at Pizza Express. But actually it’s probably true.

And why not?

Intellectual brightness is a gift you hone and enjoy whatever you do and nothing whatsoever to do with commercial smartness.

Which brings me on to the term “muppets”.

This is the term of affection or scorn with which Goldman Sachs are said to describe their clients. Shocked? Don’t be. The big and famous client-facing companies like Tesco, HSBC, WPP, Google and so on that are on a roll, are not often or ever focused on the betterment of their clients but on creating the illusion of that betterment and the beneficial association of being served by a winner.

I’ve heard ad. agency people call their clients “pond life” , “punters” and “johns”.

But if you’re a Master of the Universe you would wouldn’t you? Power does that. It makes you nasty.
It also creates a pretty barren life. Here’s how barren. It could turn you into a “vampire squid wrapped around the face of humanity”.

That’s how they talk about the demonised Goldman Sachs. Greg Smith who resigned this week accompanied by a heavily critical and well publicised letter shows that his employer is definitely not a not-for-profit organisation.  But like the masons with their insidious reach, Goldman employees have taken over the world of banking and international finance. Here’s a glimpse of the line-up:-

First of all Chief Squid – Lloyd Blankfein. What a great name. Nearly as good as the US Republican Congressman from Colorado called Randy Baumgardner.

“How are you Lloyd?”
“I’m blank fine you stupid muppet”

Nice smile Lloyd.

Uncertain smile Mike but still waiting to succeed the chief squid, Michael Sherwood

Well would you smile?

Greek prime minister, Lucas Papademos. Helped get Greece into the Euro. Together with….

Now Prime Minister of Italy, 68-year-old Mario Monti was an international adviser to Goldman Sachs from 2005 until 2011.

 Mario Draghi President of the European Central Bank. He was the vice chairman for Europe at Goldman Sachs International from 2002 to 2005.

PM's wife Samantha Cameron worked for Goldman Sachs executive Mike Sherwood after he led a buyout consortium in 2005.

Economist Gavyn Davies was head of global economics at Goldman Sachs from 1986 to 2001. The former chief UK economist was a key adviser to Gordon Brown.

“Beware the barren life of a busy man” said Socrates allegedly.

When it comes to a final tally most of these guys will shamelessly protest they did a great job. But I bet they really wish they’d worked at the Co-op…which is where in the next life they’ll end up.