BOTTLING THE GOOD STUFF

Bankers are in the news again. Sir John Sunderland, Chair of the Barclays Remuneration Committee, defended Bob Diamond’s bonus – even in retrospect.  It was for Bob’s “enthusiasm, energy and skill”. Yeah, I’ve got lots of that too. Fred Goodwin had too.  And lots of people had it before Bob - like the Kray twins.

No, seriously, I’m tired of Burglar Bashing. Burglary’s a tricky and dangerous job with rotten hours which needs lots of creativity what with sliding credit cards in door jambs and so on. And it kick starts the economy with people having to replace all the stuff that’s been nicked. So if we had more burglaries the economy wouldn’t be in decline.

So let’s hear it for the energy, enthusiasm and skill of burglars and bankers.
And if you feel short of energy and enthusiasm pop into Neal’s Yard. I was there the other day picking up something. “Ah good”, I thought, “it’s virtually empty, two assistants, two customers”. Fifteen minutes later the same score. The assistants were selling the virtues of Dandelion Sperm or whatever.

Iin a daze I looked at the aromatherapy oils. Three stood out.

Optimism. Vitality. Focus.

They smelt nice enough but it was about more than scent. The promise was so powerful. They have, it would seem, bottled the sort of stuff that Bob Diamond got paid millions for and for less than a tenner for all three.
Oh and I got to sniff Frankincense too – a dry woody, pine smell that has a cosy, churchy smell to it –sort of comforting….anyway it was Sir Ken Robinson who told the splendid story of how children apply their minds to new things to make sense (frankincense) of them.

There was a small boy in his Primary School Christmas play in the part of the wise man Caspar the Gaspar, the Indian bringer of Fankinsense.

With supreme self-confidence he swept on and said:

“Frank sent this.”

He must have been massaged with Neal’s Yard Body Polish Enriched with “Confidence” by his mum.
Anyway here’s my recipe for enthusiasm in case Neal’s Yard are interested.

Take one positive person. Stir regularly with plenty of travel then mix in:-
Lots of curiosity
A pinch of a sense of the ridiculous
A library of books, articles, films and news
Scrub with energy
Introduce a roomful of other like-minded people
Infuse with laughter and …
A generous measure of rebelliousness
That should do it.

It will make you so enthusiastic it’ll have cynics running for the hills or the banks.

www.colourfulthinkers.com

WE CAN CHOOSE THE WORLD WE LIVE IN - really we can

“Something is rotten in the state of Denmark” says Marcellus at the beginning of Hamlet and indeed with three hours the Danish game is over, Norway takes over, all the key players are dead and “the rest” as they say “is silence”. Does any of this feel familiar?

I was talking to a one-time senior Civil Servant recently who said he could understand the economic woes as a consequence of things being out of balance but that the corruption within the police force had shaken him to his core.  I’d argue when there is a complete blurring of what is right and wrong anything can go wrong and it is.

We have institutionalised corruption and breakdown across the board and it’s a cultural issue. Brand Britain is ruled by the urge for power and money. Nothing else matters it would seem.  We are being taught to admire monsters as our role models. But who else could run Barclays than Bob the bankers cry. It’s a bit like lamenting the passing of Fred West as a landlord.

Time for a reshuffle…..

First MPs – as Jefferson said “a little rebellion is sometimes a good thing” – they need to throw out corrupt practices like whipping and start to think. And the manners need to improve. Sorry Messrs Ball and
Osborne you’re being locked up for rudeness.

Press – bye, bye Digger and Dacre and a culture of sensationalism.

Church – a female Bishop or two and a bit more smiling – gaiety even might help. Best chance the church has had for a century to be taken seriously and all it can do is be fixated on genitalia.

Law – the judges are a bastion against extremism – smart and not driven by cash but ambulance chasing attitudes amongst the rest should be punishable by scorn (scorn is worse than death in the new world order.)

Police – root out the rotters.

World bodies –remove the apparatchiks who’ve ruined world sport, banking and politics. Sepp Blatter is a cartoon metaphor for Danish rottenness as is the unfortunately obsessed Dominque Strauss Kahn.

What an example to set a new generation.

And the banks. Well sad. Root and branch reform needed. Imprison all the banking boards just in case. And resort to 363. 363? Yes. Borrow at 3% in the morning. Lend at 6% at lunchtime. Be on the 1st tee at 3pm. Banking is simple. Honestly.

Shakespeare would have had a ball with all this.

And if you think it’s all too hard look at the recovery in Iceland. Prime Minster Johanna Sigurdardottir, well done. And gosh you’re a woman and a lesbian ….Church are you listening?

WHY HAVE SO MANY GOOD CAUSES SCREWED UP?

Polar bears, organic vegetables, political correctness, liberal values, employee rights, health and safety. Somehow they’ve all got melded together in some kind of misguided and worthy gel. And all the good stuff that lay behind the causes they individually represented has been lost.

How can it be that I’ve leapt from a believer to a sceptic this fast?

Let’s look at organic food. How is it can I find myself applauding Matt Ridley saying that organic farming was sustainable for sure, sustainable insofar as it sustains famine and food shortage? Why? Because it’s so inefficient a method of production.  And I’ve just begun to discover something important: a lot of it doesn’t taste very good. And there’s the e-coli issue in Germany has made me question how safe it is. So if it costs more, tastes poor and makes me ill,  that seems a dodgy old marketing platform.

One after another, good liberal causes are being strangled by mendacity or hype. I suppose it’s the messengers rather than their messages that I’ve begun to distrust or think would say anything to prove their point. Life seems too short for this and the devil in me is muttering there’s nothing that a diet of Marlboro, pork pie, Tequila, chocolate and Jeremy Clarkson won’t solve.

My second thought this week relates to role models.  There’s probably nothing really wrong with Bob Diamond who runs Barclays or Sepp Blatter who runs FIFA or Bernie Ecclestone who runs Formula One or Jean-Marie Le Pen who runs the French National Front Party (potentially the next French President). They are rich, successful, utterly shameless and with feet of something clay like.

But Rory McIlroy, the wonder golfer, fills me with joy (especially in contrast to the charmless Tiger). As does John Hegarty ad man extraordinaire whose book is just out. As does Jamie Oliver. As does George Clooney. As do Sue Barker, Margaret Heffernan, Carolyn McCall, Stevie Spring ….

All nice guys.

As Margaret Heffernan put it “nice is the new mean.”

The nice guys who espoused the nice causes I talked about up front have screwed up because they’ve stopped being nice. The moment you forget your values and just focus on winning at all costs you lose your sense of fun, your reputation and your soul.