How to sell yourself into disaster

I denounce NPower.

I denounce them as an exploiter of the young and innocent and the old and needy.

Here’s the scam - a dialogue on my doorstep.

The dramatis personae. Appearing for NP - young, innocent, female and cunning. Me – old, needy and stupid (at least that is the plan, the cunning NP plan).

NPower: Hi, can I talk to you about your supplier of gas and electricity for this house?
Me: Well it’s British Gas
NP: For both Gas and Electricity.
Me: Yes, both.
NP: Cool. Do you know if you switch to NPower we’ll give you £100
And if you pay on a Direct Debit (you do? – I nod) well that is so cool
because that’s another £100 you get. So now you have £200 in your
pocket.
Me: No. It’s £200 less out of my wallet if I sign up – it is not £200 in my
pocket.
NP: It’s in your pocket.
Me: No, it’s not in my pocket.
NP: It is! It’s in your pocket. Is!
Me: Hmm. So I have this literature you’ve handed me with these
offers…thank you …I’ll give the leaflets to my wife to decide.
NP: You can’t keep those brochures - if you aren’t going to sign up now – the
deal may change – I have to have them back.
Me: Why?
NP: (pause – that desperate pause of a bad lie) They’re my last ones.
Me: Go. I shall keep them. You have done a bad job here.

The rest of the exchange was unhappy. I gave the poor girl a round chastisement for representing her brand so badly, for seeking the sale not the relationship. She left shaken. I was upset for her and for the poor suckers who’d said “yes” to similar approaches.

NPower shame on you.

And if anyone wants to see these wretched leaflets get in touch (or better still call, e-mail and harass NPower.)