THE LOST ART OF FORGIVENESS

Alexander Pope in his Essay on Criticism wrote:

“To err is human to forgive divine”

I knew a manager who quoted this to subordinates who’d made a mistake adding:

“You have erred. I forgive you.” 

I enjoyed the silliness of this but there’s an underlying issue about whether we aren’t losing that divine quality.

We live in hostile times – not just in the Ukraine, Burkina Faso , Afghanistan and other places but closer to home too.

We’ve become increasingly intolerant although it was heartening to hear that Keir Starmer had actually kissed a Tory in the past and numbered several conservatives as friends.

It’s the screeching contempt for anyone who thinks differently from themselves like Lloyd Russell-Moyle MP for Kemp Town that concerns me. When all conservatives are called “Tory Scum” it’s difficult for an appropriate term of criticism to be found for those who are indeed egregious. You can’t get scummier than scum. 

But the point is also this. Lloyd may perfectly well be an agreeable chap whom I’ve taken against because he got very cross about something that happened and I can only see him through the prism of his exaggerated rage.

A good friend of mine in Scotland, successful, thoughtful and kind, and most of all effective, is finding the increasing intolerance of many SNP members so extreme and potentially violent as to make him think of moving somewhere “civilised” like Cambridge , Canterbury or Chichester – cathedral or university towns.

Remember that childhood game we played where we demanded to know whether someone was “friend or foe” before we let them play with us? It’s got like that. But if we cooled down we might at least hear the argument of the other party and whilst disagreeing with much of it acknowledge that there was something in what they felt and forgiving them.

I recently talked to a friend in America whose balanced and thoughtful views I’ve always admired. I remember thinking what a great and sensible Supreme Court Judge he’d have made. I asked him how I should understand Ron DeSantis who’d shot to global prominence following Storm Nigel in Florida, his state.

He reddened and spluttered “he’s a racist monster”.

When contempt and anger divide us like this we are in trouble even if, as I suspect, he might be right. 

Ron certainly has shifty eyes.

But Ronald Reagan, who with the perspective of history seems an increasingly genial figure, might have said on hearing me say this, as he did to Jimmy Carter in the 1980 Presidential debates…”there you go again”. This was one of the greatest put-downs of all time. (I guess over 40 years later we’d call it “passive aggressive.”) 

OK. I’m trying to call time on tin-eared intolerance. Those at the extremes of all political parties are beyond the redemption of accepting that they might not be entirely right or even that they might be slightly wrong. But the majority want rapprochement, accord and peace.

Which brings me to achieving peace and the possibility of unity in many fields. 

First, trivially, we’ve just watched the “forgiveness” of Matt Hancock during his good natured ordeals in “I’m a Celebrity, get me out of here”. 

Then as the World Cup develops, the good natured wash of football  is beginning to dilute the grumpiness many feel about Qatar. And when Putin leaves, as he will,  there may be a surprisingly productive peace with Russia.

Forgiveness is the most important way we can become more civilised and make the world a rather better place. So let’s start practising.